Smoke a cigar and cheers with your favorite drink

I have haters who make me feel both suicidal and homicidal right now and cheers to those sick hateful control freaks. Go ahead and make yourself feel like you win and have me beat like you always do. I can't deny how ruined of a woman I feel. A person can only combat the haters and the marks they want to leave on you until you feel a hated fuckbag piece of shit who can never give a shit. I am this rejected. I mean I am this rejected and very a violently and hatefully rejected one. Nobody else will ever want to do anything with me because look at me: I am this ruined and it will hurt you and your reputation to have any involvement with me. You just hung out and talked with the worlds sewage system that only knows shit and piss. .... It's like I will always have someone breathing down the back of my neck in the worst way living to control and outnarc me to death. "Don't you think it should tell you something by now Sarah." "Well gee Sarah, what is the matter with you with having been rejected so much." While it isn't always about my physical appearance, I could particularly point out some people who have had tons of plastic surgery and say "I know you want me to go that person's route," literally suck it, or suck it in one way or another. Some gross relentless control freaks will never be done in wanting to put their dick in my face in the worst way. Yeah Sidney, you really think something of your sharia law with Bree Ann about me having no self esteem, but before I tell you just how right your ignorant fucktard is, I'll contradict you with choke on my self flattery Sidney NARC NARC NARC Sidney NARC. WHEN YOU GET GANGRAPED BY THE REST OF THE WORLD JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH AND AFTER YOU ALREADY CHEATED ON AND HAD SOME REJECTION OF ME, THE JOKE WAS STILL ON ME THAT I DIDN'T BELIVEVE IN YOU. YOU KNOW YOU WERE BEING MY CUT THROAT NIGGER AND YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER DARED TO KEEP ACTING AND TAKING ME ON AND REFUSING TO LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A NARC WHO HAS NEVER TAKEN ANY CONSEQUENCE OF YOUR ACTIONS. YOU'D THINK SOME MEN WOULD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE IN WANTING ME TO FEEL HUMILIATED IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER THE TIMES I'VE BEEN FAILED AND GANGED UP ON, HOW IN THE WORLD COULD I HAVE EVER KEPT THINKING THE WORST OF SOME PEOPLE? GEE WHO WAS I EVER TO JUDGE THE DOUBLE STANDARD PREJUDICED GANGBANGERS. I have a couple of guesses who have sold me to you Sidney that you probably have already more than trash talked me with and most likely are using you as their tool to breath down the back of my neck: gee what is wrong with me. there is obviously something wrong with me Jon Stewart, Jim, Justin, and Ashton Kutcher probably are your fellow gangsters and seed rakers and yes I do more than seriously know the seed rakers they are. I might as well be your most said seed raker Sidney with all of the terrible assocations you have. Like a Blood hugging a Cryp is like me hugging you Sidney. We are anything but on the same team AND I HATE YOUR DENIAL FOR WHAT IT IS. IF YOU AREN'T ALREADY SLEEPING WITH ERIN AMONGST THE OTHERS YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH YOU MIGHT AS WELL YOU FUCKTARD. I AM YOUR IGNORED, RUINED SEWAGE SYSTEM THAT ONLY KNOWS SHIT SIDNEY. I'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK TOO MUCH ALREADY AND DON'T YOU DARE KEEP CHALLENGING THE WAY I THINK AND FEEL ABOUT THINGS! WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE ME SIDNEY? SOMEONE WHO DOES KNOW SHIT. DON'T CHALLENGE ME YOU DUMB FOLLOWER OF A FOOL. DUMB FOLLOWER OF A HATEFUL SADISTIC SICK PIMP THAT NEEDS TO BE STRANGLED.

Second Off

There are times I feel outnumbered more than others and I hate when the totalitarian warfare believes they are right when they want to beat me in numbers like my life was always for the world to own... Right now, I am a deeply insulted woman because whether or not I'm being interrogated or seriously provoked with the OJ comment it was a severe, dominant, cut throat comment that made me defenseless and voiceless. When I gave Stacy my first actual laymen term death threat; I know I have the right to defend myself, yet I was denied the right to defend myself. You don't know just how insulting that feels to be subjected to whoever made that comment, and whoever did make the OJ comment against me, I wish for their castration. More cut throat vain murderous "as if" I had any emotional or marital relation or care for Stacy's rabid bitch. Travis, when you get involved with me with my enemies, I wish you would just recognize the serious danger you are to yourself. Travis, I pray you are a sincerely ignorant man whose castration I won't wish for. Men who want to keep challenging me to Stacy I want to castrate. ...... While I hate to be my own rat and explain myself, I have such a serious fantasy of just letting myself die and being shot to death with the most dominate pride while I'm being murdered with someone's sickest and most hateful prejudices. Travis, I see a choice of someone's worst dominate choice of judgment before me, and you just don't understand how it makes me feel knowing how innocent and incomparable I am to Stacy. I choose to fight against my death in vulgar ways where I am still at risk of being a danger to myself. Some summed up stories to make the long story short. While my father was never the same stockholmer as other Stockholm lovers, my father was a gruesome stockholmer. My father never physically touched me but I am his sexually assaulted victim. He was assisted by either Russia or ATK and there are unseen people of "Guantanamo," where I will never have the proof of evidence. But I am my father's and Jon Stewarts Guantanamo victim in the worst extreme way. While Jon was my lover at some times, I had a serious hard time coping and coming to my senses how morbid of a predator he was. Stacy was included in several different incidences of the Guantanamo Stockholm. Stacy was a gang banger with Jon at some point of time and with my father at other times. Stacy has always given herself a Scottish rite and I know she feels she has me beat. I know she thinks she deserves to express dominance over me and have her way with me. I seriously don't know what I ever did to Stacy but I heard a story a long time ago where her supposed military husband had somehow died. It's almost like I could be the reason to his death for Stacy to have such a morbid rapist vain hate against me. He was probably the same psycho Scottish rapist bastard where he was somehow caught in my blindside as being a responsible stalker and sex offender. I could have been the reason he got something very beyond a spanking because he just didn't know any better. I appreciate whoever could have killed for me. This is the price it is to keep me subjected to Stacy. When I'm blind sided, left in the dark, probably in the black market in some ways, could be in a protection agency in some ways, and know there are lots of secrets that I should still never have been subjected to, this is where I can lead myself to. FEARLESSLY. When the worst has happened and I keep getting tested in the worst ways, I might as well say anything. Fearless nerve begets fearless nerve. random tidbit: I hate the "I've got issues song." If Stacy means that one too, that was her next fatal mistake in having no shame over the sick things she's done and her sick comparative obsessions.

First Off: Look after Mitzi for Me

If something were ever to happen to me and I were to die: I want you to make Mitzi understand that I have always loved her and love her very much. You may not have any control or fight over her custody other than this written blog, but while I do not have chosen god parents, I do not want her to go to my mother or father, Katie and David, or John Atchison. I do not want her to go to any relatives in my extended family. I want you to find her loving arms and I want the parents to be Christians. I don't want her to be too spoiled and I want her to be brought up as someone who understands what it means to work for love and respect and knows she deserves to be worked for too. Tell her that her mommy never wanted to purposefully march to death but she did and she had no other choice (if I die). Tell her that there are terrible people in this world and that there were people I would never lose to and that I would understand what would happen if I did. Tell her I knew I deserved a better life and so does she and her and my life are worth fighting for. Tell her that I believed in freedom and hope that she will too. Have the Lee Ann Womack "I hope you dance," song sung for her for me.

rehash

Yes, I do get very angry when I see how people anal retentively analyze me and pick at every single thing.
I feel like I'm being shoved on women again and it pisses me off.
The variable that I'm being judged?
Sharing my vulnerableness.
Realistic setting?
Job application.
Yes, for trying to describe my personality and bridging thoughts of who I am, I am once again being labeled as gay for sharing myself.
Men's egos really can't handle my anger and it really is the men who are desperate for me to be gay.
No, I do not beg. There are times that I really want a white knight and the white knight to make a concrete tangible difference in my life. But, does that really happen? No. The type of men who label me to be gay are the type that before a man helps a woman out, the woman must be the first to be a top notch competitor for him and sacrifice herself at every demand. It really is a tyranny of slave labor. But just because I don't jump to his bark does not mean I am gay.
I really would like to work some things out with a man.
Issue of availability. Issue of a person who sincerely cares and sincerely wants to listen.
In this case, I didn't even care if someone else cared, in this interview I made sure that I am the number one I am looking out for and the real life difficulty of finding and keeping a job. Socialism and Capitalism. Wealthy and unjust pigs within it all.

In this literal situation, it was about a literal job. It had no relation to hooking up with someone, and I am still offended at how people correlate a simple conversation into a full fledged relationship or sexuality. I fucking hate the person doing the math. I fucking hate the "expert" of "science."

Do you want to continue to be a ridculous desperate fool and push me further:
Options:
Who would you prefer to interview you: man ? woman ?
Accuse me of every single psychological counselor I have shared myself with as well.
Just further stupid ridiculous questions in continuing to be sadist about "their expertise in science."

Crystal Clear

The abuse is obvious and despite hatred I still refuse to accept it.
After the hatefully consciously aware, there are still people who are ignorant and deaf to my MIA with Jared Leto as the only exception to the rule

Surprise suprise I don't have the worlds biggest boobs. I don't have big boobs at all. Does that stop me from wanting to be loved? No. Despite the arrogance of women with big boobs, I still say I feel I deserve to be loved as anyone else.

Even with other people I am out of this world incomprehensively disgusted with those that fail to see what I'm out for in a relationship,
~well if boobs fail you should be a perfectionist at giving head~
Some sick fuck people really believe hardcore that women are only meant to be sex objects.

Despite the sick fucks, I really do want to please a man in bed. I don't want to be a prude.

HOWEVER BEING A SEX OBJECT NEVER WAS THE FOUNDATION OF BEING IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP.

I don't want to be a nun or of a severely strict religious culture.

I don't want to be a lesbian either.

And no, after further predictable harassment, I don't want an animal either, although some would probably say I should want an animal at this point.

I am so disgusted and repulsed by everyone right now.

I will not back down.

I will not lose to people who argue with my stance.

There will always be tricks. There will probably be people to get away with rape and authoritarianism of degradingly saying that being a sex object is the only option to go.

Yes, I've had my share of flings, but to have a job, to reach a goal, to get places in life, or even keep a man around,

I refuse to earn my way by being a sex object.

Anyone who would accuse me of so, I seriously deny and say those accussers are rigging bullshitters.

So, if I get beat to death,
I really want others to know the real reality of what people get away with: disgusting, corrupt, and real sexist pigs.

So disgusted
so disgusted
so disgusted

Defense on every angle

I fucking hate everyone right now. AMERICAN PIGS.
RIght now I am in the blame game.
1. Issue of success:
I AM POOR. VERY POOR. SO POOR THAT I STILL LIVE WITH MY PARENTS
I CAN'T KEEP A JOB LONG
I CAN'T EVEN GET A DECENT JOB
I HAVE NO FRIENDS ACCEPT DISTANT ONES THAT ARE MATRIX CONNECTIONS
I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF FAIRLY SUCCESSFUL.

2. ISSUE OF JOB
OH FORGET ALL OF THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN SEEN. ITS NOBODYS FAULT. THATS RIGHT, I'M A SCHIZ I FORGOT! OH AND I MUST HAVE ALZHEIMERS TOO!
OH AND FORGET ALL OTHER HARASSMENT AND ABUSE. FORGET IT ALL. IT NEVER HAPPENED.
FORGET THAT I HAVE AN OUNCE OF INTELLIGENCE, MY IQ MUST BE CLOSE TO BEING MENTALLY HANDICAPPED.
OH NO, ITS MY ADHD, THATS RIGHT. MY ADHD MAKES ME ONE OF THE MOST STUPIDEST PEOPLE. I'M ALWAYS TO BLAME BECAUSE I HAVE IT.
FORGET THE FUCKING OBVIOUS RACKATEERING, SOCIALISM, RIGGING, AND HARASSING RAPE. FORGET IT ALL. IT NEVER HAPPENED.

BLAME SOME MINOR AND STUPID MISTAKES. FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE AND BLAME ME FOR NOT USING A TOOTHBRUSH TO SCRUB FLOORS, FOR SOMETHING SO MINOR AND RIDICULOUS.
NOT JUST AT THE PRESENT JOB I'M HAVING A TIME OFF WITH BUT ALL OF THE OTHER RIGGED JOBS.

YES, THE PEOPLE I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN OTHER WARS WITH HAVE A SOUL TOO. THEY ARE IN NO WRONG. THEY ARE THE AUTOMATIC WINNER BECAUSE MEDIA MAKES EVERYONE A WINNER.

WE ARE NOWHERE BEING EVEN.
I STILL SEE MYSELF AS A SICKINGLY DEPRIVED SCAPEGOAT THAT YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE FOR.
I STILL WANT TO SUE PEOPLE
I STILL DON'T SEE ANY POINT ANYONE HAS TO PROVE.
THE MATTER OF GIVE AND TAKE IS STILL EXTREMELY OUT OF BALANCE WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT OBVIOUS ISSUE:

SAND, YES DESPITE YOUR DENIAL, I'D STILL RATHER TALK ABOUT THE SAND IN MY DESSERT THAN SUBMIT TO ANY FEMALE ESP THE ONES WHO MAKE OF THEMSELVES SEX OBJECTS.

wikipedia.org:
Oil sands, extra heavy oil, or bituminous sands - colloquially known as tar sands - are a type of unconventional petroleum deposit. The sands contain naturally occurring mixtures of sand, clay, water, and an extremely dense and viscous form of petroleum technically referred to as bitumen. Oil sands are found in large amounts in many countries throughout the world, but are found in extremely large quantities in Canada and Venezuela.[1]